Aila's Adventures
by Blze001
Summary: A collection of the random, slightly mindless, things Aila'Gerrel has done during her short life. Basically, a catch-all story for the hilarious/random things I come up with that wont fit in the main storyline.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I got this idea on Thursday, decided to quickly type it out yesterday.

* * *

Regala gripped the artifact tightly, glancing around the room. The grimaced as she spotted her opponents begin to close in, her team trying to keep them from reaching her. She jogged to the left, hoping to buy a few more seconds for herself. She smiled as she spotted Aila dart behind their opponents, a turian hot on her heels. Regala gritted her teeth and hurled the object in her grasp, offering a quick prayer to the ancestors as she did so.

Aila saw Reg throw and her eyes latched onto the ancient artifact, knowing she would have to time her catch perfectly. She realized suddenly that Regala had overthrown it, she leaped into the air and extended herself fully, somehow managing to catch it with her fingertips, quickly pulling into the safety of her chest as she landed. Upon landing she felt the turian behind her lurch forward, Aila spun quickly, deflecting him off her shoulder and leaping over him as he landed on the floor with an audible grunt. She quickly began running to her objective, aware of a human on an intercept path to her right. She smiled and stopped quickly, grabbing his shirt with her hand and using his momentum to throw him past her and to the floor.

She resumed her sprint, slowing slightly as she neared the far end of the cargo-bay. Her smile faded, however, as a lithe human appeared seemingly out of nowhere in front of her. Aila gave a quick burst of speed and jumped into the air. She felt her thighs make contact with the human's chest, feeling the girl grab her legs and begin pulling her down. Aila reached forward as far as she could, tongue sticking out the corner of her mouth in concentration, brow furrowed in effort.

The ball smacked into the deck, landing just barely across the white line painted on the metal floor. Mess sergeant Gardner blew his whistle, holding both arms up over his head. Aila let out a whoop of celebration as Kasumi released her hold and crawled out from under her new friend, shaking her head and laughing, "Damn Alliecat, how do you stretch out like that?"

Aila jumped up and giggled, giving Kasumi a tight hug and a peck on the cheek, "The same way you magically materialize out of thin air, Kassie." Aila and the playful thief had hit it off the second they met, much to the dismay of anyone unfortunate enough to be the target of one of their many hijinks.

Kasumi stuck her tongue out, "You have a program on your omni-tool that makes you extra stretchy? Ooh, I'll trade ya!"

Aila rolled her eyes and returned the tongue gesture, swatting Kas's shoulder in the process.

Ken jogged up, rubbing his chin and fixing his uniform, "Ah, I thought I had ya for sure back there lassie. Yer one slippery little gal."

Aila giggled and tossed the ball to Gardner, moving with everyone else towards the center of the cargo deck. They lined up on the center line and Shepard stepped up, grinning like a child, "We can make substitutions, right? We're making a substitution." He motioned behind him and Grunt strode up, grinning even wider than Shepard.

Kelly crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, "Oh that is so not fair, Captain."

Shepard shrugged, "Hey, the rules don't say who is eligible for substitution, just that they can be made."

They lined up and Shepard called out some gibberish words, Aila was still learning the ins and outs of this new sport, then Garrus tossed the ball into his hands. He quickly turned and deposited it into Grunts arms and moved out of the way.

Grunt let out a growl and ran forward, everyone quickly scrambling out of his way. Aila squared her stance and spread her arms, squarely in his path, figuring she could at least grab his legs and trip him. Grunt lowered his shoulder and Aila leaned forward...

* * *

Aila shuddered and coughed, quickly turning her head and trying to escape the foul stench that filled her nostrils. Her eyes shot open and she saw half the crew standing around her, her head resting in Kasumi's lap with Kelly and Regala leaning over her worriedly. Doctor Chakwas was placing a vial back into her medical bag and shaking her head, disapproval etched on her face.

Aila blinked a few times to clear her vision and looked at Kelly, "What happened?"

Kasumi laughed, "You tried to go toe-to-toe with Grunt and lost, that's what happened. Normal people have a survival instinct that causes them to do anything they can to avoid a charging krogan, Alliecat."

Aila sat up and rubbed the back of her head, wincing as she felt the large swollen bump, "Well, I'm not normal I guess." She looked at Regala, who was nodding emphatically in agreement with Aila's previous statement, and stood up, "Did I at least tackle him?"

Kelly shook her head and giggled, "I wouldn't say "tackle" so much as "fell unconscious to the floor and caused him to trip", Allie."

Aila whooped and thrust her fist into the air, "How's he taking being brought down by a quarian?"

As if to answer her question, Grunt pushed his way through the crowd, stopping inches from Aila's nose and glaring. Aila's eyes narrowed and she returned the glare, hiding her inner terror well.

A tense few seconds passed, then Grunt's face twisted into a wide grin and he laughed, his booming chuckle echoing off the cargo-bay's walls. He clapped her shoulder heavily, forcing Aila to hide a wince, "You have quads, quarian. Even Shepard would think twice about standing in my way."

Aila rubbed her shoulder and grinned, "There's a fine line between bravery and stupidity. I suspect I'm standing squarely on said line."

Chakwas shook her head and glared at Shepard, "You are all stupid for playing this primitive sport, as far as I'm concerned."

Shepard raised his arms, giving her a look of disbelief, "Why am I getting that look?"

She crossed her arms and scoffed, "Because not only are they using your ball, it is taking place on your ship. How are you going to defeat the Reapers if half your team is recovering from broken bones and concussions from some game you played?"

"Maybe its a testament to the confidence he has in the amazing doctor employed on his ship?" Tali quipped, her voice carrying the telltale waiver of a suppressed giggle.

Chakwas pointed a finger at her, "Don't you go encouraging him, Ms. Zorah." Tali yelped and ducked behind Shepard and poked her head out, obviously grinning cheekily.

"You all can laugh and joke all you want, but as the chief medical officer on this ship I am putting an end to this before someone gets worse than a bruised head." She shouldered her medical bag, ignoring the groans and complaints around her, and made for the elevator. What everyone didn't see was the grin that came across her face once the doors had closed.

If she hadn't seen it twice before, she'd swear there was no way that hodgepodge of a crew would stand a chance of saving the galaxy.

* * *

A/N: So I was watching the football game on Thursday (*grumble grumble*damn Huskers*grumble*) and got this hilarious idea. Hope y'all enjoyed it. I'll probably be tossing up more of these random side-events as humorous ideas come my way.


	2. Funny Quotations!

A/N: A product of some joking around with friends, here are some quotes we came up with for my various characters.

* * *

Aila:

'How hard can it be?'

'Well, now we know how NOT to do it...'

'It compiles! It must work!'

'Go team retard.'

'Huzzah!'

'The admiralty board rides my ass all day and doesn't even pull my hair...'

'Stand back! I'm going to attempt science!'

'Meck-mekka-mow-wow'

'Short answer: no. Long answer: .'

'Complicated? Slash, slash, stab. It's a knife, not a shuttle.'

'And I dotted all the "i"s with hearts!' *giggle*

'How about, Minor Junior Private Regala, Negative Last class?'

'... and that's when the naked Elcor showed up...'

'Now, next order of busi- oooh, look it's a kitty!'

'Is this fragile?' *Shatter* 'Well that's one question answered.'

'Keelah! Is the Council's motto; "If it ain't broke, fix it 'till it is"?'

'I have a word to describe that idea. It begins with 's', ends with 't' and isn't 'sat'...'

Regala:

'If it can't be fixed with a hammer, it needs replaced anyway.'

'Are you naturally this stupid, or did you practice?'

'I want to kill him. Can I kill him? I'm going to kill him.'

'Send me that in a message. Call it "Shit I already know".'

'Keelah above, who is running this damn fleet?'

'Keelah! Shut up! Just shut up! You're driving me insane!'

'You get me killed and I am soooo haunting your ass.'

'This is a gun. Point and click. Even you rookies should be able to work that out.'

*Staring at an error message* 'Why doesn't violence work against computers again?'

'I don't get it. How do you keep a blonde in suspense?'

'This'll work. See it worked!' *Explosion* 'Shit! It didn't work!'

'And the pyjack in my room came from where?'

'If anyone tries to correct me, they are wrong and will be punched.'

Kal:

'Sassing the fella holding the assault rifle ain't the best way to extend your life.'

'There goes my last shred of patience. Farewell, old friend, it was fun.'

'My commander is barely off the baby bottle, my XO has anger management issues and my pilot is psychotic. How do I always pick the fun missions?'

'If I die, make it look like I went out doing somethin' heroic.'

'Nothing says 'Galactic Peace' like an M-76.'

Carti:

'Just because I'm a doctor doesn't necessarily mean I know what I'm doing.'

'If you go through with this, I won't fix you. Then you wouldn't learn anything.'

'Do you know how many things I have in my office that could knock you out?'

'Best part about being a doctor? I know where to hurt you so that it'll eventually heal.'

'You haven't lived until you've been hit on by a Hanar.'

Veetor:

'I'm clincally unstable and even I think that's a crazy idea.'

'I'm not psychotic, I'm neurotically paranoid! There is a difference!'

'I used to fear the voices, but once they got a band started it worked out!'


	3. Musical Endeavours

A/N: I regret nothing... .

* * *

(Jacob, Shepard and Aila have sunglasses on and are dancing in the CIC)

(Shepard) Sometimes...

(Jacob) OoooOOooooh!

(Shepard) Something beautiful happens in this galaxy...

(Jacob) Jaacob!

(Shepard) You don't know how to express yourself so...

(Jacob) And Commander Shepard!

(Shepard) You just gotta sing.

(Jacob)  
I just had seeeex, and it felt so good  
A woman let me put something inside her!  
I just had seeeex, and I'll never go back  
To the not-having-sex ways of the past

(Shepard, coming out of the elevator)  
Have you ever had sex? I have, it felt great  
It felt so good when I did it with my penis  
Tali let me do it, it literally just happened *Walks into is quarters, Tali frantically dives under the covers*  
Having sex could make a nice person out' the meanest *Zaeed, grumpy before, happy after*

(Aila, walking up the stairs of the Illusion)  
You'll never guess where I just came from, I had sex  
If I had to describe the feeling it was the best  
When I had the sex, man, my vagina felt great  
And I told Eva right after I was done *Eva and Alia are laughing while Reg hides under the covers*

(Shepard, coming out of his quarters)  
Oh hey, didn't see you there, guess what I just did?  
Had sex, undressed, saw her boobies and the rest. *Shep is pointing to Tali's chest and giving thumbs up*

(Aila) Was sure nice of her to let you do that thing

(Shepard) Nice of any girl ever

(Aila) Now sing

(Jacob)  
I just had sex, and it felt so good  
A woman let me put something inside her!  
I wanna tell the galaxy

(Shepard) To be honest, I'm surprised she even wanted me to do it

(Aila) Doesn't really make sense

(Shepard) But man, screw it

(Aila) I ain't one to argue with a good thing

(Shepard) She could be my wife

(Aila) That good?

(Shepard) The best 30 seconds of my life

(Aila) I'm so humbled by a girls ability to let me do her

(Shepard)  
Cuz honestly I'd have sex with a vorcha in the sewer  
With that in mind the soft, nice-smellin' girl's better

(Aila) Plus, she actually wore the ears with the cute little whiskers *Regala is in the background with cat-ears on and looking pissed off*

(Jacob)  
So this one's dedicated to them girls  
That let us flop around on top of them  
If you're near or far, whether short or tall  
We wanna thank you all for lettin' us **** you

(Miranda) She kept staring at my chest

(Jacob) Doesn't matter, had sex

(Joker) But I cried the whole time

(Jacob) Doesn't matter, had sex

(Kelly) I think she might have been a xeno

(Jacob) Doesn't matter, had sex

(Reegor) She put a bag on my head

(Jacob) Still counts

(Jacob)I just had seeeex and my dreams came true  
So if you had sex in the last 30 minutes then you're qualified to sing with me

(Entire Normandy/Illusion crew)  
I just had sex (Aila: everybody sing!)  
And it felt so good (Shepard: we all had sex!)  
A woman let me put something inside her (Aila: It was my tongue!)  
I just had sex (Shepard: I just had sex!)  
And I'll never go back (Aila: no, no, no!)  
To the not-having-sex ways of the past

(Jacob) And it felt so great

They finish recording their song and exit the observation lounge the were using, running into Tali, Kasumi and Regala. None of whom look amused.

"Shepard, remember when I said you should be more creative?" Tali asked. Upon getting a nod in agreement, she hits him in the chest, "I meant ship models, bosh'tet!"

Aila grinned and looked cheekily at Regala, "It's actually a catchy song though!"

"Well that's a shame." Kasumi chipped in, "Because Jacob won't be singing it for a very, _veeeery_ long time."

Jacob looked dejected, "But what about-"

"I swear to god Jacob!" Kasumi interrupted, "If you say "the prize" I will break you!"

* * *

A/N: If y'all haven't heard the original, it's "I Just Had Sex" by the Lonely Island and Akon. I've hit a minor roadblock with the main story, but it's more a "what order do I put the events" as opposed to "what the hell am I going to do next?" problem.


End file.
